I am dismayed to see so many women dependant on external verification for validation of their value in the work place. Time and again, I hear women interpret a lack of compliments and positive reinforcement from employers as a negative reflection on their work. They fall into a downward spiral, feeling inadequate and unappreciated. Too often, unable to handle self imposed negative feelings, they quit their job as an offensive measure to prevent detrimental evaluations or firing.

Yes, our families and girl friends are great at bolstering our egos. That’s why we choose and need one another. But, we must grow up. The world does not work like this and we must quit interpreting the lack of positive feedback as negative feedback. Your employer is not your mother. They are not judging and commenting on everything you do. If they are unhappy, you will find out. If we spent as much time worrying about what are bosses are thinking, and, instead focused on producing the best result possible, we would be much better off.

You know when you’ve done a good job. Give yourself credit and move on. Yes, no one is denying that compliments feel good. And, yes, many of our superiors could and should learn how to freely give positive feedback. Nevertheless, we must stop personalizing non-responsiveness. Likewise, we must stop looking inwards when our employers are angry, depressed, or in a general state of agitation. Their reactions could emanate from a variety of sources, usually themselves or other issues---it’s not always about you!

Do your best work. Make time for periodic evaluations. Trust in these and in your instincts and quit analyzing every comment and gesture!

Do you berate yourself based on lack of reinforcement? laura@realwomenwin.com