For some unexpected reason, maybe an appointment cancels or there is a schedule change, we suddenly find ourselves with an open block of time. As this foreign concept registers, our minds scan through the myriad of items on our “To Do List.” “I need to finish that report. I need to read through the new insurance policy. I need to take my car in for an oil change. I need to make calls in preparation for the upcoming meeting.” The operative word, “need to” indicates the task is on the “To Do List.”

It seems almost impossible to remember the mere act of “being” or just enjoying is “productive.” When the “To Do List” is endless, it is exceedingly difficult to give ourselves permission to check out. We disregard the hedonistic call of pleasures past.

As “frivolous’ thoughts pass through our minds, “Wouldn’t it be fun to bake a wonderful, rich dessert?” Or, “Maybe I can finish reading my superficial, trashy novel?” Quickly,often with outrage, the frivolity is rejected.

We must make a concerted effort to remind ourselves: there is no richer pursuit than to experience pure joy. Liberated, we may even succumb to the pleasure.

Please share your frivolous interludes: laura@realwomenwin.com

It feels like it’s has always been present, a fixed appendage to our soul. It molds to the current, but ever changing context, dependant on existential as well as internal variables.

The Bad Thing. Unannounced, it makes its presence known, invading our thoughts, trespassing on our peace, insisting we pay homage. It is never static, but always on the lookout for vulnerable territory. “Is my child safe driving home from the party?” “Did my husband’s plane land safely?” “Did my mother take her medicine?”

The moment reality takes away its power, The Bad Thing simply packs up and moves to a new, defenseless residence. “Is my job safe?” “Does my boss like me?” “Was my presentation convincing?” “Will my promotion come through?”

And, when the world defies its premonitions, The Bad Thing, may simply overtake our essential core with the final, all encompassing question, “Am I good enough?”

Share your Bad Thing: laura@realwomenwin.com

Our forefathers worked as a means to provide food, clothing and shelter for their families. They labored long hours and withstood exhausting schedules to put “bread on the table.” The work ethic was ingrained into their psyches and passed on from one generation to the next. Lessons were taught based on a strong sense of ethical responsibility to one’s employer. “Ask not what your employer can do for you, but what you can do for your employer.” Workers showed up early and stayed late. They looked to take on extra responsibility and prove their worth. They coveted the opportunity to earn a paycheck. They went the “extra mile” to ensure their position.

Flash forward and concepts like “passion” and “self fulfillment” crept into the equation. “Find your passion,” we instruct our children. “Do what you love and the money will follow,” we advise our college bound progeny.

Clothed in the best suits, trained in the best schools, they enter the work place. We thought we had prepared them by providing personal coaches, SAT tutors, semesters abroad and summers at sea. They enter the work force with expectations as inflated as their egos. “What’s in it for me?” What happened to those long lost values? When did the work place become a “buyers” market? For those who crave success in today’s world, the economic reality, marked by soaring unemployment, has forced a shift back to the “old fashion” principles of hard work and high standards. We need to rethink and re-message expectations for the next generation.

I would love to hear your thoughts---laura@realwomenwin.com

We left off with Jill waiting for “The Call”, the job offer that was supposed to come by “the end of the week.” It is 4pm on Friday, still no phone call. What does Jill do?

We all can relate to Jill. Maybe it’s not a job offer, but a client who promised to get back to you and close a deal. Perhaps it is an agent; you’re waiting for his decision on representation. It may even be your physician, who promised to get back with test results.

In all these situations, we feel out of control. We perceive that we are at the mercy of the other person, helplessly waiting for them to contact us. Why don’t we take control and contact them? Usually, we hesitate because we hate putting ourselves in a vulnerable position. We do not want to be perceived as needy, annoying or pestering. We are afraid of hurting our chances by negatively influencing their decision. We do not want to incur their wrath because of our impatience.

I find the best solution is to be reasonable. In Jill’s case, I would probably wait until Monday, and if I had not heard from the employer, I would call. In other words, I would give the other person a “reasonable” window, and then take back control. When making the subjective determination of “reasonable” objectively consider the necessity of a timely response.

When you do make that call, the key is to refrain from putting the other person on the defensive. You do not want to begin by saying, “It is Monday, and you promised to get back to me by Friday.” That will get you either an embarrassed or defensive response. Instead, depending on the matter and the person, get to the point of the call and ignore the missed timetable, take responsibility for needing to know an answer or even use humor.

In Jill’s case, after an anxious week-end, she finally made “The Call” Monday afternoon. After some coaching she said, “Hi, I wanted to touch base with you and see where we are? Is there any additional information you need from me or anything I can do from my end?” The response, “Oh Jill, I am so glad you called, I could not get all our decision makers together on Friday, and I was going to call you later this afternoon.”

Please share your thoughts: laura@realwomenwin.com

Jill had a great job interview on Tuesday. She left the building; the final words of her prospective employer still whirling in her head, “We should be back to you by the end of the week.”

That evening, she kept the phone close at hand, just in case they made an early decision. All day Wednesday, she cradled the phone, knowing it was too soon, yet hoping for The Call. Now, it was Thursday. “Thursday is the start of the end of the week”, she told herself, as she brought her phone into the bathroom. “You never know when it may ring,” she rationalized. Through- out the day and into the night, she never strayed from her phone, her hope. By 10pm that evening, she adjusted her inner dialogue. “I guess Friday is really the end of the week.” I know they will call me tomorrow.

She jumped out of bed Friday morning, taking a very early shower. She could not risk missing The Call. She spent each minute, each hour, in her own little world, obsessed with the silence of her phone, waiting for The Call. The silence, so deafening, she could not concentrate on anything else. It was now 4pm, still, no Call. What should she do?

Coming Soon: Making the Follow up Phone Call.

I love hearing your thoughts: laura@realwomenwin.com

You do NOT want to be known as the “Drama Queen”. Drama Queens are not taken seriously. A Drama Queen is to an office what a hypochondriac is to a physician. Once the label is set, it is difficult to remove. Even if you have a legitimate complaint, it is now received with skepticism.

Yes, you may have an emotional and passionate personality. Such characteristics serve you well in many situations. However, when you loose control and fly off the handle, you diminish yourself and disrupt your environment. Worst of all, you are perceived as immature and you risk loosing respect and status.

Here are some simple steps to help avoid being The Drama Queen:

1. Avoid immediate, knee jerk reactions. I don’t care if you were just insulted or your opinion was disregarded. I’m sorry your feelings were hurt.

2. Do NOT respond while your emotions are charged.

3. Remove yourself from the situation so that you can review the action and your response in an objective manner.

4. Consider whether or not a response is even warranted. What is the purpose of responding? Will responding help your long term goals?

5. If a response is warranted, what is a mature, thoughtful and appropriate reaction?

6. Visualize someone you highly respect. How do you think they would handle the situation?

7. Make sure you have “cooled down” before proceeding.

I would love to hear how you have handled difficult, emotional situations. Please contact me at: Laura@RealWomenWin.com

“Can you believe that e-mail? Oh, you didn’t see it yet. Let me forward it to you!” On and on she goes. The longer she talks, the more animated she becomes: The Drama Queen. There is probably one in your office. She vigilantly scans her environment, desperately seeking a perceived injustice or piece of gossip to sink her teeth into and demonstrate her outrage.

Her emotional roller coaster is often entertaining. She has the ability to seduce non suspecting victims into her tangled web of hysteria. She is never boring, in fact quite passionate, as she broadcasts the latest evil to anyone who will listen.

Beware of The Drama Queen. Do not be seduced by her innocent façade. She will pull you down and even possibly damage your chances for career advancement.

Employers want people they can count on. They look to maintain equilibrium in the office environment. They look to enhance productivity. They look to promote thoughtful, rational decision makers. The antics of the drama queen are diametrically opposed to these goals.

Next: Are you a Drama Queen?

I love reading your comments: Laura@realwomenwin.com

I pray that you never equate the amount of time I spend with you, to the amount of love I have for you.

I pray that you never miss the gift of homemade brownies or hand sown costumes, but, accept the gift of unlimited possibilities.

I pray you never feel neglected when I don’t oversee your homework, but, learn, on your own, how to oversee your life.

I pray you understand that while I am attending to hundreds of other matters, nothing ever matters as much as you.

I pray my choice gives you permission to lead your own life to the fullest, and not fill your life trying to meet the choices of others.

I pray you learn that you can love someone totally and completely, yet, also love yourself.

Most of all, I pray that I am right.

I love to hear your thoughts! laura@realwomenwin.com

7. Know your competition. The actual companies as well as the key players--you never know when opportunities may occur.

8. Maintain a stellar personal reputation--honesty, integrity and excellence. You can not buy a reputation. Once soiled it is difficult to repair.

9. Exude confidence.

10. People are people. Whether they are your co-workers, bosses, clients or employees, you need to connect. Once you obtain their respect and loyalty, they will move mountains to help you.

Please share your thoughts: laura@realwomenwin.com

I join hands with you, incredible women - bright, energetic, remarkable women ---all dedicated to a common good.

We are mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, wives and friends. We are teachers, mentors, students, doctors, lawyers, nurses and executives.

We have chosen a wide array of different paths; we have traveled down different roads. We have met different challenges, relied on different strengths and overcome different weaknesses.

We are short, tall, thin, zaftig, loud, soft spoken, extroverts and introverts. For some of us the path has been smooth; for some filled with potholes.

Yet, no matter what path we have taken, we have arrived at the same destination. We are women---simply wanting to help to the best of our ability. We love our family—our community and our people around the world.

We want to enable every man, woman and child—young and old---to have the resources to travel down their own personal path.

We know it is not possible to continue your journey if you are hungry, if you do not have a roof over your head, if you are isolated, if you can’t afford your medicine, if you do not know where your next pay check is coming from and if you do not have a loving hand—to pull you back on track—when circumstances force you to falter.

We want to right these wrongs. We want to help. Yes, we are the same---much more than we are different.

We are women, just wanting to help. We simply want to make the path smoother.

We give of our time, we give of our dollars. We can be found reading with under privileged children in elementary schools and sitting on boards. We volunteer at hospitals and travel to under developed countries.

We help with our hands and we give of our soul. We give of our time and we give of our dollars. We help build playgrounds and we help build confidence. We raise our children and we raise the bar. We read Dr. Zeus and we read Annual Reports.

We have learned that: It is NOT what we do that defines us---BUT WHO we ARE that BINDS US!

We will not rest on our laurels. Rather, we will act with integrity and purpose as we continue to expand our reach. We will do whatever it takes to stress the importance of women making a personal statement, a personal commitment to our greater needs through engagement and philanthropy.

I want to hear how you are making a difference: laura@realwomenwin.com