I joined the gym. I tried to find one not populated with the “beautiful people”, no such thing exists. So, here I was, surrounded by physiques immune to imperfection.

I met with my personal trainer, Sergio, and closely complied with his instructions for my assessment. He was very positive, looking for any opportunity to make me feel good about my strength and stamina. “Give my five!” he cheered, as I finished some type of contortion that involved a big blue ball.

I started to relax. I stood up straighter, my ego intact. “Maybe I’m in better shape than I thought,” I let myself believe. Now, encouraged, I said to Sergio, “I see there are classes here. Which one do you think I should sign up for?”

Without hesitating, he pronounced, “the silver classes.” Silver, I contemplated. Silver, gold, bronze, I silently reviewed. Not bad.

I went downstairs and took a copy of the class schedule. I noticed that all the silver classes were in the middle of the day.

Questioning the times with the receptionist, she informed me, “Silver is our silver hair classes.” Back to reality, I slithered out the door.

laura@realwomenwin.com #bereal

Our flaws have no inherent power. Their only power comes from within. The ultimate effect our imperfections have on our lives is in direct correlation with the power we give them. If, up to this point, we’ve allowed our inadequacies to control, it’s now time to render them impotent.

laura@realwomenwin.com #bereal

I just finished reading 5 pages of notes. I got the point; the committee was not able to reach a unanimous decision. They could have said this in 5 words, rather than 5 pages.

We are all inundated with electronic communication. How helpful if we were mindful on the length of our messages.

Take a moment and review your writings? Is there any way you could be more concise? Can you delete some words, sentences or hopefully paragraphs? Could you be more effective by using bullet points?

I have more to say, but, I'm sure you got the point!

Laura@realwomenwin.com #bereal

It’s a new year. Turn on the television, walk into a book store, or open a magazine and we are barraged with “helpful” tips to get in shape for 2012 just like we were for 2011, 2010, etc. etc. In fact, it’s almost impossible to escape the call for fitness and healthy eating habits.

But, what about getting our inner life in shape? What about trying to be more charitable, empathetic, spiritual, and non-judgmental? What about taking a new course? How about exposing ourselves to new and challenging experiences?

Ok, it is important to maintain optimal physical health. Most of us try (not always successfully). Let’s not forgot to also try and improve our emotional health. As Golda Meir once expressed, “Not being beautiful was a true blessing. Not being beautiful forced me to develop my inner resources…”

Laura@realwomenwin.com #bereal

Unwittingly, we are reminded of the fragility of life. We learn of the death of an old classmate. We witness the suffering of a neighbor. We feel the grief of a friend. Assaulted with reminders of the precious and precarious nature of our existence, we resolve to be present in our own lives.

Yet, how many of our days are filled with “shoulds”? How much of our time are we on automatic pilot simply going through the paces without questioning the destination? How many hours are wasted by being oblivious to our own hopes and dreams?

As the year comes to an end, it’s time to reflect.

laura@realwomenwin.com #bereal

It happened again. I’m part of a group of about 75 people. An e-mail was sent out by our president, congratulating one of our members on a recent accomplishment. The praise was well deserved and appropriate. What was not appropriate, and frankly annoying, is my receiving copies of the 74 other members’ e-mails, echoing the original congratulatory message.

We must stop and think before we automatically hit “reply all” in response to an e-mail. More often than not, everyone on the list does not need to read everyone else’s agreement on the initial congratulatory message. If we feel the need to add our own congratulations, we should send it directly to the member, in other words, we can REPLY ONLY to her.

Likewise, if we wish to voice an opinion on an e-mail author’s sentiments, we may go ahead and do it, but, we must first consider whether the other 75 people on the list need to know our feelings. Oftentimes, by taking just a few seconds, we can distinguish and direct our remarks JUST to those who may be impacted by our reply.

We are all inundated with electronic communications. Let’s make a conscious effort to diminish these intrusions wherever possible and appropriate.

Laura@RealWomenWin.com #bereal

http://www.generalassembly.org/speakers/bio/laura-black

laura@realwomenwin.com #bereal

Change may be inner directed, outer directed or a little bit of both. Inner directed change comes from within. It is a decision you make for yourself to increase satisfaction in your life. For example, the catalysts for making the decisions to find a new job, move to a new city, learn a new skill, end a relationship or retire are most often self motivated.

Outer directed change comes from outside. It is a change that is thrust upon you. Examples of outer directed change are the loss of a loved one, illness, termination, or the loss of savings in a bear market. Sometimes changes are a combination of both inner and outer directed decisions.

In any event, change causes anxiety. You are leaving the known for the unknown. The fear may be so paralyzing that you are tempted to remain in horrific circumstances just to avoid the discomfort of uncertainty. Ambrose Redmoon was correct in declaring, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the judgment that something else is more important than the fear.”

It is unrealistic for you to expect to undergo transition without experiencing fear and anxiety. You will be thrown off balance and it is unsettling. However, you must realize that the courage is in the determination that reaching your new goal is more important that the transient fear that you will experience. Whether the new goal is specific like finding a more rewarding job or amorphous like surviving the death of a spouse----you must determine that regaining your equilibrium and moving on is crucial for your emotional well being.

What is stopping you from moving on?

Laura@realwomenwin.com #bereal.

A close friend was contemplating a difficult decision. She had been offered a new work opportunity. Unfortunately, the timing could not have been worse. She was in the midst of dealing with the failing health of an elderly parent and could not muster the energy to focus on the current opportunity. “I just don’t know how to think about this right now---there’s no room in my head!” she exclaimed.

Her summation of the situation was so well put. Oftentimes, when we are the most stressed or preoccupied, opportunities arise. At those moments, we simply do not have the emotional resources and energy to make informed decisions. So, being human, we stick to the known, the perceived safe place, and abstain from change.

A key skill is the ability to perceive when we are in a place where we simply cannot deal with new stimulation. Rather than rejecting, what could be fabulous opportunities, we need to acknowledge and accept where we are and try to buy some time. We do not want a temporary situation to keep us from embracing new, far reaching, opportunities. The mere act of recognition gives us control and hopefully a chance to postpone a decision until there is some “room in our head.”

How have you "bought some time"? Laura@realwomenwin.com #bereal.

You said your good byes

As brave as you could or could not be

And you left

And your heart is empty

And you’ve memorized all the platitudes:

“You’re still her mother”

“Before you know it she’ll be home”

“Now it’s your time”

And still you grieve

And not just for the loss of your child

But, for the loss of part of your self—your purpose, your meaning

And for now you need to mourn and grieve and remember

And soon—the hole will fill

You will open your heart to new pleasures, new experiences, new meanings

And pride will overcome you

As you marvel at the adult that you raised.